mind blower

So I've done it put the last piece in the puzzle. My hubbies actions, unknowingly toward me pushed me into the dark last year. and last night i could feel myslef withdraw into the prison of depression again.
MY Counsellor has helped me free my mind so i can think and i started to reason and say im not going to let this happen again, i can see it and talk about it and reason with it. his comments are not going to push me back.
I never argue back when he s shoutng the odds, i usually withdrwal and my mind goes into over drive thinking about what he s said and then i ask for an apology. but its too late by then the nasty words have already come out of his mouth.
This morning he made me a cup of tea and said sorry and he will come ofo the tablets . He could se that he upset me. ast night was diffferent though In my mind i siad i had enough and phone my friend. he knew he pushed me too far.
Today i'm going to wrte him a letter explianing all that ive written here and today for me is a new dawn!!!!!!!!!!!Yippeeeeeeee

my hubbie does nt like his work and at this time of year he is very stressed. He comfort eats and his gout flairs up. Coupled with his medication , which makes him spaced out. hubbie becomes short tempered and has a short fuse. paranoid and angry. He of course takes this out on me. Last year was the same. Last year his period of being aggressive was alot longer, for about six months. last year by mid summer, i had enough. the aftermath of which left my self esteem so low i had thoughts of suicide and put weight on and was very depressedand i suffer from excess acid, due to stress and IBS and everyone around me was having a pop at me, pull yourself together they d say, hubby went on hol on his own twice cause i was so low and started saying i dont do anything which reinforcd my thoughts about myself.
NOW THIS YEAR IM NOT GOING TO LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN. AFTER ALL WHERE IS HE AFTER HE S TAKEN EVERY INCH OF ME , HE S NOT THERE TO PICK ME UP ONLY TO BE MORE FRUSTRATED AND DO HIS OWN THING!
SO THIS YEAR ITS HAPPENING AGAIN, I CAN SEE IT !!!, MOOD SWINGS , PARANOIA, AGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR TOWARD ME AND LITLE MAN, SPACED OUT , POOR MEMORY, SHOUTING, LOOKING RED AND ANXIOUS !. LAST NIGHT WAS IT ! I SAW EVERYTHING IN FORNT OF ME, THATS WHAT TRIGGERED MY DEPRESSION AND WITHDRAWL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND LAST NIGHT I SAID IT , I F HE HE DOESN T SORT HIMSELF OUT IM NOT GOING TO PUT UP WITH ANYMORE !
WHAT A RELIEF, I CAN NOW SEE THE WOOD FOR THE TRESS, MY INITIAL DIMISE THAT SEEM TO BE HOLDING ME BACK, THE FINAL PIECE OF THE PUZZLE.