I Felt fine this morning, would have like to have seen julie,but im still anxious about going over to see her, and as sson as the conversation satrted about visiting her i was feeling anxious, i asked her if she coming out to play but she said she going out with morg this morning and afternoon. I explined that my confidence is still low, ive come along way and i just needed more time before i drove all the way to see her. I do still have all the anxieties and i must give myself a pat on the back for doing well yesterday, my throat does nt feel very good and makes me feel low so i cant expect too much of myself when i m in a bit of pain, as m stres levels are off the starting block so litle things and steps while im ill hey. Trouble is when your feeling great julie is ill or soemthing else happens and you ll do that, its hard to syncronise things soemtimes. When you feel like crap you cant often always jump and have to give yourself that space. its hard work, well at least julie is understanding.
Ltlle man and i ent to the garden centre, again i felt like running, i tried to keep a lid on it, bnut my thoughts were running away with me and not being able to focus on calming my inner self down.
so i suppose realy reinforcing and focusng on being calm in the firstinstants and then focus on calming down my inner self down and reasoning with it that its not the same any more and everythings fine now and nothing to fear or be afraid of and talking to myself.
i must practise this more often now , now that evrythings out and getting my inner self use to hearing my voice and talking it through things and reassuring it.
I am doing so well in many other areas, i'm more positive,, in the home and my attitude has slowed down,i odnt ghet so het up anymore and just go with the flow of things within my home now.
I m back on track, after a hiccu, and basically summersisng and managment now.
I also feel happy about that now and of course that i appear to be writing and listneing to my writing as i write, which is a new thing for me too. Its as if there was part of me not writing and it was nt real, it was jumbled and mumbled and all over the place .Its as if someone has turned up the volume and opened the door to my mind and i feel im acknowledging my own thoughts now rather than looking for visual conformation or signals from others about how i feel or how things should be, that feel good and warm inside too. I feel really happy about that too now. :DD