Well I have nt written for a few days, i ve been ill with a horrible virus, fever and chesty cough, felt aweful on SaTurday night. My hubby had organised a fairwell meal for an employee who retired and the mael was at an exculsive restaurant. I was looking forward to the meal, but the fever coupled with the heat made me feel really unwell. I kept leaving the room to get somE air but all i wanted to do was lie down and go to sleep, it felt very awkward and i felt a burden, Before i would always be feeling anxious and panicky and i thought its just my bloody luck that i was feeling as i did. Hubby stressed now as 8 out of our eleven workers have all got it and are off ill and my secretary even phoned in sick today and its unlike her to be off ill. I visited my doctor on Monday morning just to check that i didint need and anitbiotics or anything and i decided to tell him of my recent revelation. He thanked me for sharing my revelation with him and was happy that i'd got to the bottom of things. He said that he always thought there was something there, which may explain why he came out with the comments he did sometimes when i was really low. I just ca nt belive that this fear has took over my life. I wish i had been able to sort it out earlier if anything but like i said to my secretary i needed to be ready for it.My sercretary said imagine if i didn t have the fear , id be the next prime minister with my brains, my answer was no i would nt i would be happy to settl for the things i had and live a more normal life rather than doing things driven by anger and fear. My secretary said something which i didnt really like yesterday, she said to me what did i think i was going to achive by runing to the doctors all the time. Well she has support in her life and because of my vunerableness then i do need alot more reassurance in my life than she does and my doctr is like another person to whom i talk to. It easy to put your take on things as being right for other people and it isn t . Any way on a lighter note, Last night whilst at dinner, hubby and i were discussing with little man, what sport did he like best. Hubby and i are keen and moy pushy for little man to pick one that he wants to do and enjoy. He is fairly good at most sports for his age so we were just merely quizzing him to get some feed back f all the sports he has been doing. so what do like doing best ..is said, hockey ?, cricket? footy, swimming? . He was shaking his head and looking down as i siad each thing. I was probably getting a bit annoyed at this stage that he didn t seem to want to answer so i just left the subject for a moment and paused to give him time to answer ......., then ...... Sewing he said !!!.. Hubby and i laughed so much we could nt stop laughing all evening after that.