mind blower

monday i here back from bank to see if i can have extra money, if not plan b, move further out of town.
so im back on the positive note.
Thursday however was an aweful day, i had solicitors, i was very stressd and to top it off little man need picking up inthe afternoon.
Well the story goes ... as this is a classical example of what my husbnd does...
I said to him,little man has to be picked up early and i ve been waiting for an apppontment for two and half weeks so could you pick him up for me.
He didnt seem to be busy that day and had changed into his casual clothes. He promptly replied no, bearing in mind i've nobody else to help me with little man aprt form my secretary.
He rpleid im going shopping in exeter an stormed oof in a huff and raced the car out the drive etc etc like a teenager.
Of course i had to ask my secretary to pick up little man for me.
So she picked him up , i had an exhausting ansterssful time at the solicitor, theres lots to take on board and which route to go down whilst i was also having the inconvirnce of hubby not helping me with little man when i needed it.
Th esolicitors appointment for for both of our benefits to set instne how we are to proceed, etc etc
Anyway.
on friday , i tackled him about that was just unaccpetable, i ned help and he didnt give it, i said im angry at him and the way hes going ,etc etc ... whilst i was fdoing this he wanted to hug me and kiss me, he was enjoying me getting stressd and angry at him. I asked him to staop it but he would tn then ....wait for it !..... he said i had to go for an MRI scan in exeetr, ( big city)!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well what a bomb shell, how humiltaing how....... aweful i felt bad. but.... he was happy that i felt guilty , time andtime again he put me 'in my place'
with this news. My mind and emothions were annoyed at him and my secreatry was about to tell him that his behaviour was unaccpetable too before he told her. We were both exasperated with him !!!!
Thats my life with hi, he doesnt talk, course i care if he snot wel, course ist shit timing ,but he enjoyed me once agagin getting mad a him.my mind and thoughts driving me up the wall.
Making me feel bad about myself for being angry !!!
god in heaven
wait till i tell me counsellore about this one.

house maoney not enough from bank, found out monady , absoluteuly devastated. back to the drawing board, phoned bank to ask for more moaney , get back to me monday, may have to loo at cheaper house. , wel they say the house does ent matter but it s gotta feel right, part of it is nt it. if have to go or smaller, then will, booked another viewing on another house

he wants to be friends !!! ughh i hate the weekend !. he wnats cuddels , he akes sexual remarks and all. ipoint out he wasnt like ths befroe, leave me alonei say. Hes keeps on about buying stuff, whers he getting the money i say. ! I ve asked him to stay away from me and he just keeps folowing me around the house. aaaahhhh. he trying not to be rejected. but he s going to be, god this part is hard. he wants to talk over i ve said we ve already taklked. he was never interested in talking before so why now. I dont wnat to rock the boat but i hate weekends .... its the worse time, when your not overly occupied.hence im in the offie typing away in my diary. Every one s being supportive,. seems the men stick together as do the women. I ve gone past wondering f its a mistake now. My own time, doing as i want when i want. not having to ask to do semething. not worrying , not managing and guiding him. not taking the can and being responsible for him, yeippee he can fuck it all up on his own and get soemoneelse to clean and iron his under pants

showed him the saparation agreement, he went all agressive agagin, threatening etc and in between it all hes trying to be nice and cuddleing, even saying it would be cheaper to get bac to gether. when hes allcuddly like this it makes me feel bad, but its too little too late im afraid. Three years of hell is easily not forgotten
Little man is happy and im sure wwe will actaully get on better too when i leave if anyhting.
He out doing another cash job this morning, ali pauls so.....

Can t believe he wants sex !, Men!!!!!!. No WAY

Well I ve drawn a draft separation agreement up. Got solicitors next thursday. Its four pages long and covers every angle. Its ironic when hubby at the moment is not very well at all. Hes got a scan this afternoon and having blood tests taken etc etc. He of course has nt told me any of this. My secretary has filled me in. I feel bad, but what can i do .. when i was at my lowest he was neve there at all. He comes out with comments that it will be all mine soon. I do feel for him i still care, its pretty shitt when all this is happening when he could be seriously ill, but what can i do.I feel so sad . He doesnt talk to me at all. Im trying not to take on board this feeling of guilt and i wot i tried to help him more than anyone. Well a separation agreement will be drawn up then at least i dont have to worry about what hes going to do form one minute to the next. I m trying to remain calm.... if anyhting its my own head, with reason, which is making this worse. two more weeks to go and im away on hol, still awaiting for the mortage offer to coem through.

its hard living with someone who keeps verbaly threatening you. Its dragging me down so much. I gt away now and aagain for ligh t relief and it feels so good to be away. I went out last night on my own as a single mum, with lttle man in tow. I gald ai did it, everyone, although all of them his friends were very supportive.
Im glad i did it. I went ut agagin to day to see a friend , so im getting out and about ok. Hubby went out all night, god knows where. he expects me to read his mind , which is rather funny. He very intereted in what im doing though. And he gets an awefullook on his face when i m enjoying myself. He fo course likes taking harvey out and having fun and leaves me the responsible jobs. so there it is really. I ve delted half of my friends off facebook , well someone obviously lieks sticking the knife in and im clsoing up all my privcay settings too. well two more weeks to go and im on holiday yipeeeee awy for a wekk with no hubby or should i say ex.
Im wondering how one thinks i should behave when ihe threatens me all the time hey... certainly not happy aorund him ashie expects hey. im civil and that all he deserves.

Im down , hubby keeps threatening to take little one off me and get ful custody. He reckons casue i wonce wrot on facebook there are times when you wish you didnt have kids then hell use it in court... i m so glad im leavng. makes so much sense when i think am i doing the right thing. Still waiting to hear about the money side of things to buy the house hopefully it will be next week sometime and i ve just got to try and keep my pecker up really. Itsa hard and im very tired too. so just chilling this weekend to get strength frot the week ahead..... god i ts limbo time and its hell, me ehad is trning around and around .... but. yesterday whilst having a conversation with a schoolmum she mentioned that one of my little ones school frineds mum had cancer and it doesnt look good... makes one put things into perspective deosnt it ans realsie how happy and fortuntate i am. She same age as all of s at school, how aweful.. oh well.. just gotta kepp your pecker up hey

It floods. Hubby not well his daughter threatening money off him. Its never ending...............found out yesterday hes going around trying to sell his share of the business. Without my knowledge leaving me in the shit. He d only try and set up again.
Well my head is all over the place deciding what to do. should or shouldnt i.
Lots of things involved regarding the business sale.
Going to go to bed and have a kip

Huubys not well, Hes leeding and has to go for a scan. His daughter has out of the blue, after 15 years decided to text him, demanding to see him and wants money. Obviously my suggestion of writing a letter didnt go down too well.